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Avoiding iPhone spoilers

In last year’s run-up to The Force Awakens, some Star Wars nerds went to great lengths to avoid even the slightest spoiler. These super-fans eschewed movie rumor sites, where the film’s plot outline appeared months before the premiere. They muted keywords on Twitter (e.g. “Skywalker”, “Falcon”) and installed spoiler-blocking browser extensions. They even refused to watch Episode VII’s official trailers, choosing a “virgin” first viewing experience over short-term excitement. Their hard work and self-discipline was rewarded on December 17th, when they sat down in a packed theater with no idea what they were about to witness, beyond “a new Star Wars movie.”

Apple’s product announcement events aren’t quite as entertaining as a J.J. Abrams blockbuster. But for tech nerds, it’s pretty close. The Cupertino company has a decided flair for the dramatic. Climactic reveals and slickly-produced videos punctuate its keynotes. And, like Hollywood studios, Apple shields upcoming releases from the public eye. It would prefer that customers first learn about products in an official announcement, where Apple’s marketing department sets the stage and controls the narrative.

Unfortunately for Apple, the Chinese supply chain doesn’t share this commitment to secrecy. For almost every product announcement over the past half-decade, the Apple blogosphere learns what’s coming before Apple has a chance to announce it. Often, we see the new iPhone in fine detail long before its “official” reveal. In at least one infamous case, a gadget blog had the actual prototype in hand, lost not in Shenzen but in Redwood.

If you’re like me, these unofficial rumors are endlessly fascinating. But if the official Apple keynote is the best way to “experience” the announcement of a new iPhone, shouldn’t I treat prerelease leaks like Star Wars spoilers?[1] Wouldn’t keynote day be more fun if I had no idea what’s coming?[2]

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What worked (and what didn’t) in ‘The Force Awakens’

Yesterday, I complained about the convenient coincidences that litter J.J. Abrams’ Force Awakens film. In hindsight, I probably should have first explained how much I enjoyed the movie, then moved on to pedantic quibbles.

Better late than never, right? Here are the things I liked—and a few more I didn’t—about the latest Star Wars film. Major spoilers below!

The good

  • The Force Awakens doesn’t over-explain every little detail. We’re told that the village elder who hands over the Skywalker map is an “old friend” —but we don’t know anything else about him. Similarly, Han Solo references new misadventures with Chewbecca, but these are left to audience’s imagination. We learn that Luke Skywalker’s Jedi Preparatory School crashed and burned, but we don’t know why or how. Suddenly, the Star Wars universe feels big again—as if the franchise has many stories left to tell.
  • When Stormtrooper FN–2187 (later “Finn”) attends to a fallen comrade on Jakku, his helmet gets smeared with a bloody handprint. That’s clever filmmaking; the mark makes it easy for us to the audience to distinguish him from his white-clad colleagues.
  • I love BB–8. That droid has more personality than most human characters from the prequels.
  • Rey is fantastic. She has an interesting backstory, she’s capable, she’s vulnerable, and she’s playful. I love how the film subverts the traditional “damsel in distress” trope; Rey doesn’t really need Finn to rescue her, and she resents his attempt to play her “knight in shining armor.” I can’t wait until my daughter’s old enough to watch Awakens; I’m glad to have mainstream entertainment that I don’t have to revise for her sake.
  • The movie covers a lot of ground, but it also takes the time to tell Rey’s story properly. We understand her, because we see her life in detail. We know she’s bold, because we see her confidently exploring a cavernous wreck. We know she’s lonely, thanks to her chalk-mark calendar. We know she’s afraid that she’ll never escape Jakku, because we see her watching the elderly scavenger. He know she’s desperate, because she wolfs down her insta-bread. We know she’s got a adventurous streak, because she gazes in wonder at a departing starship. With very little dialogue, we’ve learned exactly who this character is. By the time the sequence ends, we’re fascinated and eager to see what’s next for her.
  • Kylo Ren’s a fun baddie. He may look and sound like Vader, thanks to that bizarre mask. But this character isn’t a rehash. In fact, Ren’s temper tantrums and occasional missteps make him more intriguing than Vader ever was.
  • The bickering between the imperial commander and Kylo Ren felt real to me. Ren subverts the First Order’s clean chain of command in an unpredictable, interesting way.
  • There’s real camaraderie between Finn and Poe Dameron. Their excited banter in the TIE fighter made me grin.
  • Han Solo worked well as this movie’s “Obi-Wan.” After his lackluster recent career, Harrison Ford deserves credit. So do the film’s writers; they made us care about Han Solo again (after his boring Return of the Jedi sleep-walk).
  • Maz Kanata, this film’s Force guru, is the best CG character I’ve ever seen, besting both Davy Jones and Gollum. I was particularly impressed with the character’s facial expressiveness.
  • I loved that we hear Obi-Wan Kenobi’s voice during Rey’s vision. Force ghosts are speaking to her, but she’s not quite attuned enough to hear them yet.
  • Han Solo’s murder helps cement Kylo Ren as a bad guy. I despise Ren more fervently than I ever did Darth Vader or the Emperor. Yes, I’m bummed that Solo’s gone, but I’m glad he was sacrificed for a good cause: to make the new trilogy’s villain compelling.
  • I loved the movie’s last scene: the swelling orchestration of the Force theme, the dramatic reveal of Skywalker’s face, and the proffered lightsaber (a wordless invitation back to the fight). That’s how you do a cliffhanger.

The bad

  • See yesterday’s post for nitpicky gripes about the plot line.
  • Does the Republic exist simply to be destroyed by the First Order? I understand the basic conflict between the Order and the Resistance. But then there’s the Republic, which we learn has its own fleet. Why weren’t they fighting the First Order? Why leave your defense to a ragtag insurgency with no big ships? And even if the Republic had underestimated the danger posed by the First Order, why doesn’t its fleet come charging in once Starkiller Base destroys the galactic capital?
  • Snoke didn’t quite work for me. I get that he’s this film’s Palpatine—a mysterious menace who won’t show up in the flesh until later films. But I don’t understand his motivation, and he looked hokey. He reminded me of the alien from Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
  • There’s too much nostalgia and fan service. For example, the Han-Leia relationship doesn’t click. Better actors might’ve redeemed the stilted dialogue, but Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford can’t quite hack it. Another sentimental misstep? Han’s familiar line aboard the freighter (“I’ve got a bad feeling about this”) felt forced.
  • The climactic lightsaber battle dragged on too long. Even the longest sword fight in Empire changed scenery once in a while—from the freezing chamber out to the dangling platform. Rey’s duel with Ren never leaves the woods.

Again, I enjoyed The Force Awakens. The film’s weaknesses don’t sink it. In fact, I’d probably rank it ahead of Episode IV—but well behind Empire Strikes Back. Like “A New Hope,” Episode VII sets the stage for later—hopefully better!—sequels.

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Convenient coincidences in ‘The Force Awakens’

J.J. Abrams’ 2009 Star Trek reboot leaned too heavily on unlikely coincidences. Kirk just happens to get marooned on the same moon as elder Spock. Monsters just happen to chase him straight into Spock’s cave hideout. Scotty just happens to be stationed a few miles away.[4]

Abrams’ latest sci-fi epic, The Force Awakens, features several similar plot holes:

WARNING: spoilers below!

  • BB–8 somehow rolls its way to Rey. What are the chances that the droid who knows Luke Skywalker’s location runs into the Force-sensitive girl with apparent ties to the Skywalker clan?[1]
  • Finn stumbles onto Rey and BB–8. Improbably, the fugitive stormtrooper happens upon the fugitive droid and its new master. Jakku must be a very small planet.
  • The Millennium Falcon is rusting away on Jakku—of all the planets in the galaxy. I actually liked the Falcon’s reveal, but doesn’t it seem improbable that the same ship that ferried Luke from Tatooine has been waiting around to carry Rey away from Jakku?
  • Maz Kanata, this film’s Force-sensitive guru character, possesses Luke Skywalker’s old lightsaber. That’s very convenient, since it triggers Rey’s Force awakening. Kanata brushes aside Han Solo’s question about how she acquired it. But… seriously, Maz, why’s this thing in your basement?
  • Finn knows too much about Starkiller Base—more than his low-level First Order position would explain. A stormtrooper peon knows the superweapon’s key weakness?[2]
  • R2-D2 reactivates at just the right time. Why did the trash-can droid pick that opportune moment to wake up? Talk about Deus ex Machina.[3]
  • In general, what are the chances that the events depicted in The Force Awakens would mirror the original trilogy so slavishly? A twenty-year-old orphan on a desert planet finds a droid sought by both the evil imperials and a noble resistance. The droid carries information that could sway the balance of power in the galaxy. Our hero teams up with a roguish outlaw and an older mentor aboard the Millenium Falcon. The mentor character tells stories about the Force and legendary Jedi. A short alien guru guides our hero toward the Light side of the Force. The insurgency destroys a gigantic space weapon just before it blasts them out of existence. Welcome to Deja Vu: the Movie.

    “It’s like poetry. It rhymes.”


Don’t get me wrong; I enjoyed The Force Awakens. But these plot seams show where the filmmakers valued nostalgia over storytelling. The writers wanted Han Solo to find our young heroes, so they placed the Falcon (which Solo could track) on Jakku. They needed Luke Skywalker for the cliffhanger, so R2-D2 waits until the denouement to power up.

These twists may cater to aging fans’ sentimentality, but they make little sense in context.


  1. The movie doesn’t actually make Rey’s identify clear. It’s still theoretically possible that she’s just a random orphan, who’s not connected with the Skywalkers at all. But then why even mention the “family” she’s waiting for on Jakku? And why does Anakin’s old lightsaber trigger her Force vision?  ↩
  2. Or was Finn bluffing so that he could rescue Rey?  ↩
  3. One potential explanation: R2-D2 can use the Force. That’s an intriguing theory, but it’s never actually been confirmed by the movies.  ↩
  4. I’ve heard these happy accidents explained away as “fate”—i.e. the universe “course-corrects” and finds a way to bind these characters’ destinies together. Bullshit; that’s screenwriter-speak for “We couldn’t think of a good story reason.”
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Unhappy endings for the child actor who played Anakin Skywalker

Jake Lloyd, who played Anakin in The Phantom Menace, interviewed as a grown man in 2009:

This video makes me cringe. I’m not sure exactly why Lloyd is so bitter, but he clearly can’t disguise his disgust. It doesn’t help that the delighted “reporter” goads him on so shamelessly. Seriously, who ends an interview with this?

Before we let you go, child stars get a bit of a reputation; they turn to, y’know, a life of drugs, so may the Force be with you.

I probably shouldn’t be surprised; the media has exploited Jake Lloyd for most of his life. Back in 1999, Jake navigated the press junkets as well as any kid his age could. But if it’s hard for adult actors to navigate that world, it’s impossible for a ten-year-old boy. Watch this awkward interview, inexplicably conducted on a pastel-colored bed. When Jake voices the vain hope that he’ll be cast in Episode II, the crew chackles from behind the camera. Jake looks instantly crestfallen.

Throughout the ensuing exchange, Jake self-consciously projects a precocious, cute persona, but the performance feels off—almost over-rehearsed. In retrospect, a child that young should never have been asked to do dozens of interviews a day for weeks on end.

For a more recent example of exploitation, take this TMZ piece from last summer. The host can hardly contain his glee as he relays news of Lloyd’s arrest for reckless driving. Who knew you could fit so many podracing references into a two-minute video?

I can muster far more sympathy for Jake Lloyd than for Alec Guinness (who also came to resent his Star Wars fame). When Lloyd was cast, he couldn’t possibly have understood how the role would “dominate his destiny”. Like many child actors, he was ill-equipped to handle the spotlight’s glare.

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Priming your ears

John Williams’ Force Awakens soundtrack dropped on Spotify last night. I’m listening to it as I type—even though I haven’t yet seen the movie.

Does hearing the soundtrack count as a spoiler? It depends who you ask. For me, the music, disconnected from imagery and dialogue, gives away little about a movie’s plot. Yes, track titles can be dangerous, but composers have grown more cautious since the “Qui-Gon’s Funeral” debacle of Episode I.

So, no, soundtracks typically won’t spoil movies.[1] In fact, pre-hearing the score enhances the initial viewing experience. After all, it’s hard to appreciate instrumental music the first time through. Unfamiliarity holds you at arm’s length from the drama. Your subconscious brain whirs away, dissecting the new music instead of enjoying it.

With “primed ears”, you more easily link leitmotifs to character beats. Melodies hook your heart in a way they can’t the first time around. You hear the tension rising; you can feel the plot revelations as they land.


So… what’s my verdict on the Force Awakens soundtrack? It was fun to hear Williams rearrange the classic trilogy’s themes. But, if I’m honest, none of the new music really captured my imagination.

I blame my virgin ears. The next time I hear these melodies—in a darkened theater, popcorn at hand—I’ll be ready to really listen.


  1. A caveat here: you can be too familiar with a soundtrack. I know many John Williams scores (e.g. Raiders of the Lost Ark) by heart—measure by measure, modulation by modulation. I could tell you the exact moment when the hero’s theme gives way to the villain’s sinister melody. That knowledge would spoil a movie (if you hadn’t already seen it).  ↩
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Is ‘Empire Strikes Back’ the only good ‘Star Wars’ movie?

Those who denigrate the Star Wars prequels forget that the original trilogy had its problems, too.

Star Wars (i.e. “A New Hope”) was remarkable for its time: a rollicking sci-fi adventure with astonishing special effects. But that first film hasn’t aged particularly well. Or, rather, it was never particularly good, and the outdated special effects no longer mask its stilted dialogue and over-telegraphed plot twists. Mark Hamill’s performance as a petulant Luke Skywalker grates on the nerves. Alec Guinness seems disinterested (he was). The final battle lasts ten minutes too long.

Return of the Jedi isn’t great, either. It establishes the misguided trajectory that would eventually doom the prequels. As with Episodes I through III, in Jedi, storytelling takes a backseat to merchandising interests. The Ewoks are the original trilogy’s equivalent to Jar-Jar Binks: cute, fun characters who sell toys but do little to improve the film itself.

Also like the prequels, Jedi feels derivative; the filmmakers seem to run out of ideas. The Death Star superweapon threatens the galaxy again? Luke leaves his companions to visit Dagobah… another time? The film can’t even find anything interesting for several key characters to do; Han Solo’s character arc flatlines, and Harrison Ford sleepwalks through the picture.

That leaves Empire Strikes Back, easily the strongest film of the original trilogy.

What does Empire get right? In short, the movie makes bold gambles that pay off. For example, it skips past several years. That interval might have confused the audience; instead, it helps us believe that our heroes have developed some genuine camaraderie. Another Empire risk? It stakes the entire film on a puppeteer’s performance. Somehow, improbably, Yoda works. Finally, Empire gambles by scaling down the story. A New Hope and Jedi go big, depicting critical battles in a galaxy-wide fight for freedom. Empire goes small, focusing on individual relationships: the hero trio with each other, Luke with his new mentor, Luke with his dad.

Speaking of that paternal reveal, “I am your father” is the primary reason Empire’s climax works. Without that horrifying revelation, the Cloud City sequence would feel too small, almost mundane. “Han and Leia chatting in their hotel room” hardly feels like the build-up to a grand finale. But because Vader’s declaration is so delightfully shocking, it lends gravitas to Cloud City’s dinner parties and dull chase scenes.


Empire is the only great Star Wars film.[1] It retroactively redeems A New Hope, transforming that film into an essential preface. It redeems Jedi, in that Empire’s so good that it makes us curious to see the story shake out. It even nearly redeems the prequels; after all, we wouldn’t have cared about Anakin Skywalker if Empire hadn’t made Vader so enigmatic.


  1. Well, at least until now.  ↩
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Obi-Wan Kenobi himself warned against ‘Star Wars’ obsession

Alec Guinness (who played Obi-Wan Kenobi in the original Star Wars trilogy), recalling a fan encounter:

A sweet-faced boy of twelve told me proudly that he had seen Star Wars over a hundred times… Looking into the boy’s eyes, I thought I detected little star-shells of madness beginning to form; I guessed that one day, they would explode… I just hope the lad, now in his thirties, is not living in a fantasy-world of second-hand childish banalities.

In this excerpt from his memoir, Guinness instructs the young Star Wars enthusiast never to watch the films again. The actor feared that the boy would “mature” into a man-child, still obsessed with a shallow children’s movie.

Of course, millions of similar “lads” (and lasses), now in their “thirties” (and forties), will eagerly revisit this “fantasy-world of second-hand childish banalities” when The Force Awakens premieres tomorrow. Sir Alec would likely disapprove. Even before production wrapped on “A New Hope,” Guinness was deriding its “rubbish dialogue.” In the decades that followed, the late actor eventually grew to despise the franchise altogether.

And he had a point. Some extreme Star Wars fans do lose track of reality in their love for that “galaxy far, far away.” Check out this fake commercial from last week’s ‘Saturday Night Live’ episode; it ridicules grown men who collect kids’ action figures. Or recall another SNL sketch, in which William Shatner (Captain Kirk himself) tells obsessive Trekkies to “Get a life!” These parodies make us chuckle, but they also reflect the pathological fixations of some hardcore sci-fi devotees.

Of course, I probably shouldn’t cast stones here. I’ve written more blog posts on Star Wars and Star Trek than any other topics. “Second-hand childish banalities” are apparently my cup of tea.

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How Disney kept its ‘Force Awakens’ secrets

Bill Whitaker, correspondent for 60 Minutes, tried to record a Force Awakens scoring session with his iPhone:

So, this is John Williams, and I’m here; let me record some of this. So I took out my cell phone. …. These two representatives of Disney came racing over and kind of demanded that I cease and desist.

When they first came over and asked me to delete it, I did. And then, as we were leaving, they asked, “So… did you delete the delete?” I said, “I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

It’s incredible how little anyone actually knows about The Force Awakens’ plot. The trailers reveal very little actual story. The actors promoting the movie have remained tight-lipped (citing brutal non-disclosure agreements). Even John Williams’ soundtrack won’t drop until premiere day (usually, film scores are released weeks before the movie itself hits theaters).

As another 60 Minutes producer explains, “Disney has a very tight grip on this film; they don’t want anything to get out. There are people whose full-time job it has been to make sure that nothing leaks to the Internet, or that nothing gets sent out to the world at large.” Judged by how little we know, those censors did good work.[1]

Contrast Disney’s secrecy to how The Phantom Menace was handled, back in 1999. Two months before Episode I premiered, Weird Al had written “The Saga Begins”, a parody song that accurately summarizes the film’s entire plot. His lyrics even mention never-before-seen characters like Jar-Jar Binks and Boss Nass, along with exotic locales like Naboo and Coruscant. It’s spot-on.

How’d he do it? Weird Al received no exclusive sneak peeks from Lucasfilm. No one snuck him a pre-release script. Instead, as Yankovic explains:

The song was entirely based on Internet rumors. I gathered all the leaked info I could about the movie from all the various Star Wars websites… and was able to piece together the basic plot.


  1. Yes, there are places online where you can find informed guesses at The Force Awakens’ storyline. Fans have sifted each trailer for clues and assembled a rough plot outline. I already know more than I wish I knew. My only solace? Maybe these superfans’ guesses are wrong.  ↩

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‘The hero of a generation’

Michael Giacchino composed the soundtracks for Up, Jurassic World, and Star Trek, among many others. Here, he writes about his admiration for John Williams, who has written the most recognizable movie music of the past forty years:

I was 10 years old in 1977 when I ran down the steps on Christmas morning to find the double album LP of Star Wars waiting for me. ….

On the verge of another Christmas, 38 years after that first Star Wars album debuted, I am privileged to still call John [Williams] a friend, and I couldn’t be happier to see my other friend, J.J. Abrams, get the opportunity to work with not just my hero — but the hero of a generation of filmmakers and composers.

It’s not an exaggeration to say that John Williams scored my youth. As a twelve-year-old, I nearly wore out the cassette albums for Jurassic Park and The Last Crusade. (Yes, I was a weird kid.) Even now, his scores comprise the core of my music library. Rarely does a day go by in which I don’t queue up a Williams track while I work.

On the list the Hollywood composers not named “Williams,” Michael Giacchino ranks high for me. He shares his mentor’s remarkable knack for inventing memorable melodies. But while I love his scores (LOST and Star Trek are particular favorites), I’m more impressed by the way he unabashedly adores his industry’s elder statesman. Giacchino seems to appreciate the extent to which Williams redefined an entire genre.

As the Star Wars composer approaches his eight-fourth birthday, I’m painfully conscious of the fact that he won’t be around forever. There’ll be a day after which we’ll never hear a new Williams theme.

For now, though, I’m grateful that John Williams continues his work unabated and undiminished. I’m nearly as excited to hear his Force Awakens score as I am to see the movie itself.


EDIT: Variety recently interviewed John Williams about his forthcoming ‘Force Awakens’ soundtrack.

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George Lucas breaks up with ‘Star Wars’

When you break up with somebody, the first rule is no phone calls. The second rule, you don’t go over to their house and drive by to see what they’re doing. The third one is you don’t show up at their coffee shop and say you are going to burn it.

George Lucas, speaking to CBS News about his (lack of) involvement in making The Force Awakens.

How would it feel to invent a universe, hand it over to others, and watch them reject your input? To become the goat of your own fan base, only to see your successors embraced as heroes? This interview accomplished something remarkable; it made me pity George Lucas.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m still glad someone else grabbed the franchise’s reins. Somewhere along the line, Lucas lost the plot.