credits scene – Matt Hauger

Netflix makes it easy to binge. By auto-playing the next episode, and by stripping out the commercial breaks, the streaming service removes the interruptions that typically prompt you to get a snack or go to bed.

But there’s still one vestige of broadcast TV that invites you to stop watching: interminable opening credits sequences. Star Trek’s theme song is retro-catchy the first ten times. After that, it’s tedious and irritating. Or consider House of Cards, whose melancholy opening sequence lasts nearly two full minutes(!). There’s only so many times I can watch those DC time lapses.

So why can’t Netflix automatically skip these opening titles for me? Assign an intern to flag the start and finish of each episode’s credits sequence. Then offer users a preference in settings: always skip credits, never skip, or skip after the first five episodes.

Maybe Netflix’s license agreements prevent them from showing modified versions of the shows. If so, its brokers should negotiate less user-hostile deals. And that explanation wouldn’t apply to Netflix’s own in-house programs, right? As I mentioned above, House of Cards is the chief long-credits offender!

In 2009, J.J. Abrams successfully rebooted the Star Trek franchise. This was no small task; Trekkies are notoriously picky. The filmmaker took pains to include many details that only true nerds could appreciate.

Several of these fan-pleasing scenes were cut from the final production. For example, William Shatner’s cameo apparently made it into the script but was never shot.[1] Another scene that the filmmakers considered, then decided against, was a post-credits teaser for the inevitable Khan-centric sequel.

Here’s how I imagine that scene playing out:

INT. U.S.S. ENTERPRISE BRIDGE

Close-up of KIRK, slouched confidently in the captain’s chair. OLD SPOCK stands beside him.

OLD SPOCK
Once again, Captain, I am sincerely grateful for…

KIRK waves hand.

KIRK
…Our pleasure, Ambassador. We’ll get you to New Vulcan safe and sound; it’s the least we can do. In fact—

YOUNG SPOCK (concerned edge in voice)
—Captain.

KIRK
What is it, Spock?

YOUNG SPOCK
We’re picking up a vessel off the port bow.

KIRK spins to face YOUNG SPOCK, who is staring into his viewscreen.

KIRK
Out here? What kind of vessel?

YOUNG SPOCK
I… do not know. It is… quite old.

KIRK
On screen.

Cut to shot of crude-looking ship, its hull scarred and pitted. It floats adrift, spinning slowly.

Shot of OLD SPOCK, brow furrowed—as if trying to remember…

KIRK
Life signs?

YOUNG SPOCK
Several dozen humanoids… [looks up, hint of concern in voice] Captain, their signals are quite faint.

Decision made, KIRK springs into action. He flips his chair’s comm switch.

KIRK
Bones! Meet us in the transporter room!

MCCOY (over comm)
On my way.

KIRK leaps up from his chair.

KIRK
Spock, you’re with me. Sulu, you have the conn.

YOUNG SPOCK and SULU
Aye, Captain.

KIRK and YOUNG SPOCK exit via turbolift. Camera follows SULU to command chair, then pans back to OLD SPOCK, who’s looking down, puzzled. Shot hovers on him for a few seconds, then zooms out to include CHEKOV.

CHEKOV
Look!

Close-up of OLD SPOCK as he raises his eyes to the viewscreen. His mouth drops open. Recognition and fear flood his face.

Cut to viewscreen. The unnamed vessel continues its driftless spin. As the ship turns, its name emerges from the shadows. The words are clearly legible: SS BOTANY BAY.

Cut to black.

Somehow, no one has yet to splice together a fan edit of this unshot scene. Get on that, Trek nerds! ↩